today’s KITCHEN | Spring Detox 5-day Juice Cleanse

I’m already asking myself WHY oh WHY did I sign up for this?! The kit arrives tomorrow, and ‘2 days prior’ to starting – so, NOW – I’m supposed to give up red meat (on Steak night?!), luscious mounds of Burrata cheese, coffee and alcohol… THERE IS ALCOHOL IN WINE! Oh, the horrors…

But, I’ve been wanting to do a ‘healthy colon’ / toxin-releasing juice cleanse for quite some time now, and now that the weather is warming up I feel like it’s a good time to challenge my body while also not fighting to feel warm.

sister: And you survive off just juice for 5 days??

Also, my younger daughter and her boyfriend move home to quarantine for a few weeks soon, and it looks like she’s making a huge list of food she’s been missing in her life, so now it’s become kind of a ‘mid-cleanse’ – halfway between all the quarantine eating we’ve BEEN doing and the mass food-fest soon to happen.

Apparently misery loves company, because my older daughter has signed on for it, too. At least I’ll have someone to bitch to who will UNDERSTAND this impending near-death experience. I’m kind of freaking out now.

The Day Before

Two things I can’t give up. At least I don’t think I can…
A Nespresso every morning – it keeps my migraines at bay; and a teeny glass of wine every evening – it keeps me from pure insanity. Otherwise, getting on board w Juice Cleanse it is! Wrapping my head around this! I can DO IT! Right?! UGH, probably not…

I’ve already been doing a bit of Intermittent Fasting (16 hrs fast, 8 hrs eating between 11:30am – 7:30pm) recently, starting to make it a habit. It comes quite naturally – once I’ve had my coffee, I’m not typically very hungry and if I am I grab something small. I’m lucky in a way that I have zero attraction to sweets of most any kind, so it’s plain yogurt or an egg w bacon. ‘Special’ breakfasts are saved for weekends, if even then. We’re not a huge breakfast family.

So, now I just have to get through the other 8 hrs x 5 days, right?! Rather terrifying, but I’m sure my body will thank me for the break from quarantine eating for the next few days …

Today I ate brown rice and avocados, with a small piece of salmon, as recommended by the Juice Truck, where I purchased my cleanse juices from. Honestly, I could live off that – I love the chewiness of brown rice! With a REDUCED half-glass of wine. UGH. What is my world about to come to…

JUST KIDDING!! I had pasta with Puttanesca sauce, loads of cheese, and 3/4 of a bottle of wine… TO MYSELF. Thankyouverymuch. I worked all the way until Hubby made ‘whatever-was-in-the-freezer’ for dinner. This is gonna kill me…

daughter: It’s here. Wait how does it work? There’s no instructions lol

me: AGH! The box arrived? That means we have to start tomorrow :'(
Let’s just do it :O

daughter: I’m gonna eat like a pig tonight lol

me: Haha – I’m drinking a whole bottle of wine. Just had pasta – final meal?!

Is it possible to PRE-PLEAD insanity for the things one might do later this week?! Asking for a friend …

DAY ONE

WELL, Day One!
It’s amazing how many people will rally with you when they see you’re about to do something SUPER.FREAKING.HARD. and they’re already feeling your pain LOL! DOZENS of people have been checking in, sending encouragement.

The funny thing is that, typically, I don’t even drink juice. I’m a savory person – unattracted to sweets, which is what most juice tastes like to me. Liquid sweets. Ick.

me: Day One today!

LB: I found that the first few days are a challenge – you will miss chewing, but you’re gonna feel amazing!! Reach out if you want to vent, or talk about how much you miss food, or need a pep talk, lol 🙂

me: YES! You might just save a life here. It’s FIVE DAYS. I’ve told my family to be prepared for a lot of grumping…

(apparently juicing requires a full support group…)

The day HAD to start with my usual coffee. The first Juice of the day had Ginger in it, so a lovely bit of sharpness to awaken the senses. From there, I just kept juice beside me all day long. I hate to say that I haven’t really felt hungry all day long, because I know tomorrow’s going to kick my ass. I’m pretty sure my kid also survived – at least she had last I checked in!

Most of the day my body just felt confused – am I getting hungry? Am I actually feeling full? Am I tired or awake? Am I overthinking it and imagining I’m fine or hungry or calm?

me: In hindsight Saturday during quarantine was a bad day to start – everyone’s just walking around eating and snacking on loud chips all day …

daughter: LOL! My boyfriend just made me hold his food for him. And he’s trying every juice.

me: OMG So is Daddy – he tastes them and judges all the flavors, but then I still have to drink them even when he says “EW!”

It helped to have my MIND occupied all day – I spent the entire day working on this website, cleaning here, fixing there, fonting, etc. Along with hours spent googling HOW to do all of those things… My brain was BUSY and the time of the day passed rather quickly.

Ended the day w a hot tea of VITAMIXED Lemon / Ginger + Tumeric. It was SPICY and hot and really hit the spot for the end of the day. Oddly, the 2oz glass of (cold) wine I was going to allow myself as a ‘treat’ at the end of the day wasn’t so appealing by the time it got to it – it’s much nicer to start and end the day with a nice, hot liquid instead of yet another cold one.

Turned out I didn’t even need the final juice (#7) of the day. Between the am Nespresso, a big jug of Lemon water and my eve tea, I was all liquided out.

TG: Inspired by you <3
Got myself $60 worth of veggies and fruits for 3-day Juice Cleanse!

me: YEAH!! Send me pics!

(misery continues to love company – lots of it!)

DAY TWO

I didn’t wake up hungry!!! Shocking!
I DID, however, wake up with a nasty migraine, followed by 2 X-strength Advils, a couple of Nespresso chasers and a hot water bottle … So, if I was feeling any hunger at all, it was greatly overshadowed.

And then, back to juice.
I’ve created rituals around ‘doing what I’m told’ to somehow make it … mine. To own it. To embrace it.

AA: You’ll be fine. Day 4 is usually the toughest from my limited juice cleanse experience LOL

me: … UGH …
Good to know … Because Day Two is already kicking my ass…

Every juice I take out of the fridge (where they’re all lined up, ready to go, day by day), I ceremoniously remove all the labels. I cut the front one down to the name bit and put it in my Kitchen Notebook to accumulate like a checked off task list – this juice, DOWN! (YES, I’m super OCD / Type A – and equally super messy and Type B-Z, so go figure that one out). The stickers are already accumulating, looking like achievement and progress. Like video game badges that don’t really mean much but still make you feel good.

At the end of each juice I wash the clear container out, line it up on my counter, and smile at how pretty accomplishment looks.

me: Hey! Looks like I’ll be fully Vegan for a whole 5 days! (photo of juices)

super-vegan brother: On purpose? Or you just enjoy diarrhea?
As long as you’re isolating, you may as well double isolate in the bathroom…

me: <eyeroll>

I’m feeling slightly disoriented, a bit dizzy – might be hunger/juicing, might be migraine reflections, who knows. Back to my laptop and something on Netflix I can marathon all day to keep my mind as busy as possible. By noon I want to hurl juice and need 2 more X-strength Advils… Advils on an empty stomach make me want to hurl more… But, oddly, not hungry yet.

Day TWO came and went fairly uneventfully, aside from the migraine which likely wasn’t related. I totally cheated at dinner with a 1cm2 miniature cube of steak – and while it was DELICIOUS, I was fine keeping it at that. I’m pretty certain tomorrow will hit hard…

DAY THREE

Coffee down. Juice open. I keep an open juice next to me at all times, leaving myself to mindlessly sip instead of staring them down like a duel, challenging each other to flinch first.

me (to no one in particular, because I’ve started talking to myself): Who knew a Nut & Seed juice with a tiny drug-baggie of Chia Seeds would end up as the highlight of my day…

I love that the thicker Nut & Seed Juice schedules in for about dinner time. It gives me something to look forward to – something almost FILLING, once you fill it with the Chia Seeds. And you kind of get to CHEW! LB was right – you start to miss chewing food – what kind of a weird thing is that?!

me: This was my dinner tonight…

LS: OMG – I would rather die.
I’m off for cocktails in the garden.

(which goes to show – you gotta pick the RIGHT support group! LMAO!!!)

me: Day 3 and I haven’t hit ‘the wall’ yet… I must have a LOT of fat reserves. My inners are happily feeding off years of butter and bacon fat right now 🙂

Day Three came and went without much interruption to life as normal. I did have two single PIECES of macaroni and cheese after making it for the fam for lunch. Couldn’t resist – my Mac + Cheese is rather amazing.

The sheer number of people checking in to see if I’m alive is heart warming! Or maybe they just want to pick through my antique collection should I die… A few are even starting their own Spring Cleanse. Well, some people are clearly more of a support and some are just here for laughs – both are equally important, I suppose…

sister: How do you feel?

me:

brother: She’s so weak and dehydrated she can’t even type. This is why I don’t juice fast.

me:

sister: Someone needs to check her pulse… getting concerned…

brother: She had a good run. Congrats – how does it feel now be the oldest and not the middle child?

(and that’s the difference between a sister’s support and a brother’s… LMAO) (for the record, I DID have a pulse and was just watching a movie w my fam, which means I’m still the oldest AND WISEST!)

Box two (the last two days of juice, since they expire after only 3 days) arrived all safe + sound.

DAY FOUR

I keep waking up expecting to feel STARVED, but really I’m just excited for a nice, hot, Nespresso, same as every other am. I could have done without for 5 days, but the withdrawl headaches compounded with juice fasting would have been too much, so it is what it is.

The other thing that is what it is, is that today is Cinco de Mayo! Which means next to nothing to Mexico, apparently, but it’s the date of a victory over Napoleon from what I understand. I’ve been working on some Mexican-French fusion dishes, but they’ll have to wait for next year as I’m too focused on juice ATM.

daughter: Today I feel much better than the first couple of days.

me: I feel good too – today I’m having Margaritas.
So, LIME juice.

daughter: Margaritas?? Haha!

me: Cinco de Mayo!

My buddy from Born to Shake in Kelowna sent me a FABULOUS Margarita mix package with all his amazing bitters and juices and salts all ready to go, so how could I resist one? Or perhaps two?

My total juice drinking in today had slowed down – I wasn’t hungry enough to keep drinking juice, or I just couldn’t muster the sheer will to keep drinking juice. The nut + seed juice I’ve been looking forward to the past few days now had to be choked down. I realize the end is nigh anyhow, so I indulged in a tiny nibble of plain chicken and a half dozen cucumber and tomato pieces, and then spent the rest of the night with massive heartburn…

DAY FIVE

IT’S THE LAST DAY!!!! Other than a few cheats here and there, I MADE IT! I didn’t DIE! Well, there’s still the day to get through, but somehow knowing it’s the last makes it all ok. And knowing that later tonight I get to eat fish – that helps, too. My younger daughter and boyfriend move home tonight – a day early – so tonight we celebrate w take-out Thai food from the restaurant where my older son works.

Although I drank far less juice on the last day (I just couldn’t do the sweeter ones anymore, including my previous go-to, the Nut + Seed one), I did it! Knowing I would be eating dinner with my family, I did scramble one egg (no oil/butter) for breakfast to get my tummy back into things a bit, but otherwise I made it til 7:30pm finishing what I could of the juices!

TG: Ohmygod! I am applauding you!!!

me: Thanks – I DID IT!!

I’m still in shock that I didn’t get hungry in 5 days. I must say that the Juice Truck people really must know their stuff to keep my body in complete balance while cleansing at the same time. And, no – this is not an AD. I paid for the 5-day kit with my own cold, hard cash just as any everday person would so that I could report back unbiased.

Would I do it again? Probably! But – maybe next Spring. For now, I’m off to a proper meal!
Have you done a juice cleanse??! WOULD you?